“Once the familiar turns strange, it’s never the same again. Self knowledge is like lost innocence, however unsettling you find it, it can never be unthought or unknown.” – Professor Michael Sandel, Harvard.
I’ve been absent. Not just from my blog but from myself. I’ve expressed a few times on here how I feel about my situation; being an expat, a mother, an athletes wife, a woman. I’ve talked about sacrifice a little and priorities, how nothing is ever black and white and how we change as people all the time. I’ve been changing over the years struggling to find out how and where I fit in, and never really coming to any conclusions. Until now.
I won’t go into detail of the hows and whys of this realization, it’s been highlighted by a few circumstance and situations, but I will say an old friend forced me to think about ME right now.
For years I have firmly believed I achieved my goals in life – I went to America and played basketball at college there, it’s all I ever dreamed of growing up. After that, well, I had no idea what next. If you asked me now what I want to be when I grow up, I still don’t know. (I also blogged about this a while ago) Can you believe that? I no longer have dreams! So for the next couple of months, weeks, however long it takes, I’m going to think about what I need to do to fulfill ME. My husband makes me painfully happy, my daughter fulfills parts of me I never knew existed, all of my family mean the world to me but I know that’s not enough, I need to fulfill ME. I kinda believe that unhappiness doesn’t look the same for everyone, it doesn’t only show in only one form, or in every area of our life, its compartmentalized, or at least for me it was. Overall I’m happy but there’s just been something missing. I thought playing basketball was going to make me me again but I’m not a basketball player anymore, that was only a part of me for a short period of time….and I need to figure out what the other parts of me look like. (20 years later!!) I also discovered through starting this blog that I really enjoy writing, and thinking. So I’m going to start pursuing those two passions.
So, what’s the first change I am going to make? Well, I know it’s not going to happen overnight but even the smallest change is still change. Action is the key. So, I have started 2 online courses, one with Harvard University, the other with Duke University. One is a writing course, the other philosophy. Now, I don’t know how these 2 courses are going to change my life, right now, but they will change me SOMEHOW.
There’s going to be a few more changes happening over the next few months so let’s see if I make some personal progress.
What are your thoughts guys? Do you still have dreams, ambitions? Are there things in your life you are happy with and other things you aren’t? Do you need to make changes in your life? Maybe this is the push you need to move forward??