I haven’t blogged about sex before, it’s not because I am embarrassed talking about it or anything, I just know that not everyone wants to hear about my sex life…you might get jealous! (haha, I’m joking…or am I?? haha) No, but seriously, I wasn’t sure whether sex was something I wanted to talk about on my blog, since I have family and some friends that read my blog that perhaps I don’t know or connect with on that level, but I figured, I started this blog to put my thoughts out there, to engage my brain, it’s always been about that for me. Plus, I’m a woman and I want to blog about women’s issues and this topic is an important one for women, so I’m going for it?!
Myself and my two favourite girlfriends talk about sex a lot, most women do, its a subject that affects us all deeply. We check with each other how often we are doing it, how good it is, why they maybe aren’t doing it…those kind of things, just so we know we are still in happy, healthy and fulfilling relationships. Girls, please tell me you talk to your girlfriends about sex? Today I read an article in the Huffington Post (read it) about sex and how sexual attraction is the key element to making a marriage last. It may sound like an obvious ingredient for success but for some women, its not something that comes top of their list of needs, or something that is a deal breaker when it comes to saying yes before walking down the aisle.
I’ll be honest, Mark and I have always had a great sex life, (Mum, yeah, Mark and I are more than just my “Good Friends”) we were attracted to each other from the beginning and are attracted to each other as much, if not more, now. He has physically changed over the years, as have I, but thats not important, because the chemistry is still there, I still fancy the pants off him. Just like it says in this article, it would have been difficult to endure the tough times if we didn’t have that indescribable feeling; that feeling that can’t be forced or faked. (not faked well anyway!) I’m not naive enough to believe that sex doesn’t change over the years or that it is enough to make any relationship survive, (friendship, love, self confidence, respect, trust, independence…all those things are also key) BUT I do know, from experience, that once the sex stops, the relationship changes and couples start to drift. I’ve seen it in my own previous relationships and with friends, the connection that was once there disappears and the relationship goes stale, neither party wants to invest time or energy in each other and life together becomes a chore. That’s not life for me, or love.
Its so important for Mark and I to make time for each other, as parents we need to connect and remember why we are together in the first place. We are in LOVE and we have agreed to spend the rest of our lives together. (There was a period after I had my daughter that I didn’t want Mark to touch me, let alone do anything else but that period only lasted about 2 or 3 months, I think thats the longest we have gone without being intimate with each other.) At the moment we have a lot of free time together, its the luxury of Mark’s job and the fact Little Miss is in school, but we still have to get creative sometimes, I’m sure most couples do. We just moved into an apartment where we can hear a pin drop in our neighbours apartment, which makes sex in the evening a little awkward. We’ve decided to get creative in the day time and it’s actually working out perfect for us because we’re both busy in the evenings now anyway…and exhausted from either volleyball or basketball practice. The point being, we make time for this important element of our relationship.
So my question is, how important is sex in your relationship? Are you and your partner on the same page in that department? Have you been in a happy relationship where sex wasn’t important? Are there other factors in your relationship that come before sex? I’m interested to know your thoughts here. So come on ladies, do share!