Me / Our Life Now

Honesty is the Best Policy

 

I haven’t been completely honest, there’s more to my story than I’ve let on. I started blogging because I wanted to have a voice again, my brain wasn’t being used much and I felt useless most days. I wanted to get my feelings and opinions out there for others to read and connect with me. Somewhere along the line though, I started creating an image of our life…and as it turns out, the image I portrayed is not an accurate one. So, here’s the truth…

Am I head over heels in love with Mark and my Little Miss? Yes. Do we live in the South of France? Yes. Is it gorgeous? Yes. Do I worry about the future? Yes. Am I happy? Sometimes yes, sometimes no. Are we financially comfortable? Not really. Am I comfortable with who I am now? No. Are we as happy all the time as we appear to be? No.

So there you go, my life is far from perfect, there are some things I’d change in a second.
Some days I feel like I’m a crap mum, like I’m not giving Little Miss enough of my time. Some days I worry that we don’t have saving, job security or stability for Little Miss. Some days I feel depressed with no motivation,  I want to scream, pick up something and launch it across the room for no reason at all. Some days I’m so desperately unhappy because I want to do something else, feel fulfilled. Some days I want to be more than who I am now. I want to be a better version of myself. On those days I hate myself and my life.

Those days come and go…but after all of this honesty, it does make me wonder if anyone is every truly happy and worry free?

What does the world see when they look at you? Is it what you want them to see?

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14 thoughts on “Honesty is the Best Policy

  1. Nobody’s ever 100% happy all the time, but we have our moments of joy and freedom. If we were happy all the time, we wouldn’t have anything to work towards or look forward to. Having those tough days or months or years can make the good ones feel even more perfect and worth waiting for.

    Plus, worrying is something we all do, or at least that all women do. We worry about money, kids, dinner, love, if that pina colada is going to be as awesome as we hope…It’s our thing, and although it sucks, we have to manage it, which is why we have girlfriends and blogs to get our worries out into the universe so they’re not stuck in our heads.

  2. Some of the things i’ve worried about in the last week:

    Is Hector watching too much adult tv
    Is Hector eating enough veg
    Am I too old to have this haircut
    Am I a nice person
    can we afford to go out on friday
    Am I going to need a wheelchair before I’m 50 (random, but knees keep hurting)
    Is graham in a good mood….

    Thats the weekly stuff, I do have the long term worries list too.
    Having said that, on the whole I’d say I’m happy and have a nice life.

    How happy I am is very often reflected in how well Graham and I are getting on, When we’re happy, I’m happy…
    I’m not sure how “healthy” that statement is. (another thing to worry about)

    With regards stablity, I think it can be a comfort. Having said that, theres lots to be said for your, dare I say, unconventional family life. Maia, I am sure, as an adult will look back with pride.
    What an exciting and healthy enviroment to grow up in. Maia is already speaking French and English. She is abviously very confident and easily adapts to different places and people. All assets directly linked to your life style.
    As a child I am sure I would have loved it!

    Not being confortable with who you are now, sounds like something only you can take control of. I guess it’s another worry we all have to some degree and as long as your not consumed by it, its not an issue.

    Maybe jot down a list of things you’d like to acheive for yourself.

    Avril x x

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  4. Great post…. Lots of thought went into this one huh? I agree with Cynthia, no one is ever 100% happy and if they try to portray that, they’re B.S.ing. It’s so funny because I was just talking with a friend about how people’s lives are portrayed in their blogs, or Facebook, or twitter. It always seems like their lives are great and I’m thinking it’s because no one wants to put the bad stuff in them and I find it refreshing that you had good and BAD things to say because it was an honest post, no sugar coating. Pretty sure many feel the way you do and I know I sure feel like that sometimes. Funny enough, we r near our wits end here with the club….refusing things in the contract, with holding money and overall crappiness so I am feeling some of those things right now. Anyways enough of the rambling, sorry, enjoyed your post:)

    • Ahhhh, Nikki, thanks for your comment, I did worry about putting this post out there….I always want to be honest, people can spot a fake a mile away and get bored reading! The post was actually a result of some of the same problems you guys are dealing with at the moment. (the joys of professional sports, eh?) I have to keep everything in perspective though, I read your post the other day and I am totally with you on the whole blessing or curse thing. I love the life we live here, some days I feel a bit down, sometimes I feel like I want something for me…

      Anyway… thanks again

      • I hear you, it took me a while to just be ok to just ‘be’ here. I found that if I did a few things for myself, they went a long way. Coincidentally, my husband Shaun can see when I am about to lose it and we do some things just for ‘me’. For me, a little goes a long way so that I good. We r fortunate in that bball is so little of our lives here so we can get away from it a lot, especially since even the best of situations over here are still ‘hairy’ at best.

  5. Hi Louise! I clicked on your blog after reading your comment on mine. This post immediately caught my eye and I found your honesty to be so refreshing. You certainly aren’t the only one who experiences these feelings! It’s easy for bloggers to only share bits of their lives and sometimes that gives the illusion that they are free of struggle. Thanks for being vulnerable and real!!

    • Thank you for commenting, I appreciate it when someone takes time out to read some of the stuff I post. Especially the stuff that’s not always the best to write, but is often the most honest for the reader. So, thanks again.

      Louise xo

  6. I am having one of those days where I am feeling depressed and anxious about something and this post made me feel like I wasn’t alone. Thanks for being real and for your words that echo my own. WIthout even knowing it, you’ve given me comfort! Thanks Louise xoxo

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  8. I feel that it’s our insecurities that drive us forward. They keep us second guessing ourselves constantly but despite the lows they bring at the time, they are also invaluable to achieving the highs. They are what make us want to work on things to make them better and without them we would have no reason to change or evolve.

    Your motivation and desire to provide for your child is instinctive, its raw, it can ache, it will ache. I am thankful you feel that pain, its what will make you a fantastic mother. Not all children are blessed to have parents who worry about them and think so tire-sly over the future they can provide for them; Little Miss is a lucky little girl!

    Before you can change things you have to realize them and admit them, not to others but to yourself. If writing blogs is what helps you accept your life for what it truly is, if it is somewhere you can read your own story and have others reassure you that you’re not alone and that helps, it cant be a bad thing.

    Us humans are suckers for people in need, damsels in distress (most of us GOOD people anyways). Sharing how you feel is brave and takes guts, but the admiration you receive from others for doing so will surely be less powerful than the empowerment you give to yourself, its you that admitted this stuff, not them, good for you!

    /PG.

    • Paul, thank you for your words of encouragement. Means a lot that you’ve taken the time to really think about this.
      Hope you are well

      xo

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