I’ve lost my love for the game at times in my life, don’t get me wrong, I spend almost 5 years in the US and when I moved back to Glasgow in 2003, I was lost. I was injured and no longer able to play basketball at the level I had before. The one thing that could keep me on the straight and narrow could no longer rescue me. I didn’t play for a long time, a very long time. I made some bad choices along the way and paid for them, I still am in a way.
I started to play a little here and there over the next few years, and a little over a year ago I joined a team here in Avignon. I’m enjoying myself but it’s just not the same as before. Anyone who knows me as a basketball player, knows I don’t do things by half…if I play, I want to play hard. I want to compete and win. My body doesn’t do what my brain tells it to do though. I’m not as good as I once was. (or thought I was!) My love for the game has changed I think and I don’t know what to do to get things back to the way they were.
This past few months have been some of the toughest I’ve had to endure in my life. I lost the person who showed me the game, who defined everything that basketball is and should be, the person who opened so many doors of opportunity, not just for me but many more kids who came after me, he helped me achieve my dreams, my coach, Jim Lay. He inspired me to be a better person, he’s still doing it and his influence in my life will stay with me forever.
Losing Jim, my love for the game and the fact my body is making me more frustrated by the day, is forcing me to decide if I still want to play anymore. All athletes at some point in their career need to decide when is the best time to call it a day, some decide through injury, some are fortunate to play for years until their body gives up…and some lose their love of the game, I don’t want to do the latter. Maybe I need to bow out whilst I still have all my good memories, instead of continuing to play and growing to hate the one thing that gave me so much love over the years.